Life has changed, I can no longer call my mom on the phone and talk about things… ask her advice or hear her voice. In the normal order of life death happens to everyone but it’s certainly life altering. My current sober attitude is probably more about working lots of hours under stress, but I’m hoping I can feel “light” again someday. I can’t see that day yet though.
I fear that when the stress of the job is over, the “normal” life won’t be normal anymore. I’ve lost friends and people I love before, but this is worse. much worse.
I can feel the excitement in my life about the upcoming sail. I’m glad it’s in there. The boat is almost ready to leave, arrangements have been made for friends to sail the boat to Florida while I finish up here at work. There are lots of pretty new things on the boat.. that’s always good. If anything can make me smile… it’s a sailboat trip so that’s good, it’s almost time. I look so forward to warm beaches playing around the boat in the water… eating the good stuff Linda puts out from her little kitchen. Running into old friends and the absolute certainty of meeting new ones. I’m glad we are about a month away from shirtsleeves, shorts and sandbars again.
By the end of the month everyone can start looking at “spot” again.. watching the boat head East then South to Marathon Florida… I’m anticipating our road trip to the Keys. Linda and I bareboat chartered for years, this drive will rekindle those plesant memories with a big plus at the end. When we chartered we only had 2 weeks and it was on a borrowed dream. This year our sail path is yet to be charted, the duration is not vetted and it’s on our own dream…. SYL !! like I said… better.
I know me… I have more confidence in my joy that I seem to be able to muster right now. The 2014 sail won’t “fix” everything. There have always been times when I find a remote beach, sit alone with the water barely waving at my toes for hours on end contemplating life…. this year will be different. I expect my refelcting time will be more medicinal and melancholy than in past years. maybe I can let down there…. my life isn’t the same.
I’m sorry for your loss. Parents take joy in their children’s joy and yours will take joy in what you find joy in, no matter where they are. You will be able to feel it. I have a picture of my sister on our first trip to the BVI’s, she has this very sad look on her face, just after I snapped the picture she turned to me and said “Mom and Dad would have LOVED this.” and I said “They are loving it! We’re here to enjoy it for them.” Enjoy your trip, enjoy it for those that can’t be there with you.
Thanks. Rusty was very close to his mom. I am with Pappy right now. He and Grannie had been together since they were sophomores in high school. It has been hard.
Sorry for your loss.